In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet, caring father on full house and the Hiya, chicks. And your music is so--so different,so exciting. Berlioz: I'll bet it's morethan a thousand. [offscreen]Any last words? Elizabeth blair explores the dark world of comedy. Buzz Lightyear: [Presses the red circle button again and closes his wings] Thank you. Robin Williams: It's a kindler, gentler genie! What's all the yellin'about, huh? He hit me on the head. Where are you? No. He's been hereall the time. Brian Cummings: It's loads of fun, there's jamming and playing with lots of new friends. So theyre covered with piss and shit and blood and come and sweat, ooh, that sweat. Abigail: You know, deary, your husband is very charmingand very handsome. Duchess: Oh, thank goodness. Oh, dear. Abigail: Oh, indeed, yes, sis. Portions of this script are copyrighted by walt disney company and are used without permission. O'Malley: What I had in mind wasa kind of a sports model, baby. This kitten cat knows where it's at! Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. Poppycock, man! Duchess? The Aristocrats Sketch For the aristocrats, the wholesome tv dad dreamt up one of the most depraved setups ever for one killer punchline. [Smacking Lips]Delicious! [sings] A guy so swell. Did you haveany luck at all? We know if you would let us perform it for you you would want to sign us." Don't shush yourold Uncle Waldo! O'Malley: How tough! Amelia: Oh! Alright? Berlioz [offscreen] I wish we were homewith Madame right now. And that's the act. "Roquefort". Edgar Balthazar:Duchess,wherever have you been? Choo-choo-choo-choo,choo-choo-choo-choo. You're going to travel first class[onscreen]in your ownprivate compartment[offscreen]all the wayto Timbuktu. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Just in time now! These are my children. [Esmeralda throws a guard's helmet at three guards on horses and it ricochets off their helmets], [In another shot, the fat guard swings his sword at his helmet and yells in pain, but we cut to Phoebus ducking under the incoming helmet, which hits the wall behind him], [A jester wearing long legged boots kicks four guards in their crotches, launching them into the air. Gives birth to a three-pound Shetland pony! Duchess:No, no, no, I like it. Why, your eyes are like sapphires,sparkling so bright. The talent agent goes, Hmm, thats an interesting act,' Gottfried says. O'Malley: Go away! But, anyway, he says, "What is it called?" Something smells awfully good. As the butler pushes the trunk toward the door, O'Malley pushes from the other side. Let's see. [We cut to a pencil animation test of Genie turning into a construction worker]. Good evening, Duchess. Laverne: Nobody wants to stay cooped up here forever. O'Malley! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Marie, my little one,you're going to be as beautifulas your mother. Haven'tyouforgotten something for Frou-Frou, darling? [After the green FBI warnings, the Walt Disney Pictures logo appears, but silent clips of Disney movies and some of the Disneyland presentations are shown]. O'Malley: Well, uh, you seeI-l'm not exactlyher husband. Edgar Balthazar: [singing] Rock-a-bye, kittiesBye-bye you goLa la la laand I'm in the dough [spoken]Oh, Edgar,you sly old fox! Well, uh--Well, all it needsis a little tidying upand, well,maybe aIittle feminine touch. What happenedto your lovely tail feathers? It's just, "Here we go, "folks. Kittens, come along! [ Chuckles ]Not as spry as I waswhen I was 80, eh? Oh, my gracious! [Screen fades from black, revealing a clip of the 1995 Disney Interactive trailer where two children are at a computer playing the "Pocahontas" Animated Storybook game. "And basted in[ Sniffles ]white wine." Police have not yet found the missing baby of runaway aristocrat Constance Marten and her rapist lover Mark Gordon - and have applied for 36 hours more to quiz them.. Mark Elliott: "Aladdin 3: The King of Thieves"! Where are you? And the talent agent goes, So what kind of act do you do? The father starts taking his shirt and jacket off. Hallelujah! I mean it's surprising they haven't that they're not all in jail! O'Malley: Well, of course. The 100 Greatest TV Shows of All Time What made them think this was entertaining! Duchess:[offscreen]And, wham, when weneeded you, you were right there. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [voice]No, no, no, Georges. Then, at the endof their life span,my entire estatewill revert to Edgar. The Aristocats! Huh. But he had a bed in it, like a couch that he called "Uncle Joe's Bed for Little People", because a couch is like a bed for little people, y'know Joe Franklin raped me. Please? Beloved comedian gilbert gottfried, who died tuesday, was as well known for his edgy and. The shift in editing over to pages for the movies, characters, actors, directors, composers, crew and galleries is now fully in effect. I'll show you a little bit later. Duchess: Especially whenhe's marinated! Roquefort:A-A-Alley cats!? Abigail: You really did quite wellfor a beginner. O'Malley: Three? Amelia: And by the way, when we get to Paris,you must meet Uncle Waldo. He's beenmarinated in it. Uncle Waldo: Oh, righto, girls. O'Malley: Aloha. Why didnt he stop them the minute he saw the father unzipping his pants and saying, This is totally wrong. My umbrella! O'Malley: Duchess, If I can live with you, will you marry me? Obviously a philanderer who trifleswith unsuspecting women's hearts. The jokes setup and punch line often remain the same, but the midsection is improvised. [after Wendy Liebman describes a normal family act]. Roquefort: Duchess, kittens, gone? [Clears Throat,Muttering]Aha. It's a mother, father, their son and daughter, and a little baby. You just hide over there and youleave the rest to J. Thomas O'Malley. Robin Williams: This is a joke that's pretty much exclusive to show business. Lafayette:This sure beats runnin', Napoleon. And poor Madamedidn't sleep a wink either. Beau Weaver: And look for these grand Disney movies to add to your home video collection. [chuckling] Just like you say, Thomas. Toulouse. Toulouse: Frogs? I-- I couldnever leave her. Because no one is gonna book this show! Duchess: [Laughing]Bravo! On this Wikipedia the language links are at the top of the page across from the article title. And don't worry. O'Malley: Well, now, uh--What I meant-- You see, l--. This joke was met with boos and jeers of "too soon." YOU HAVE OUTSTRETCHED YOURSELF WHEN YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT, ON MAKING IT AS HORRIFIC AS YOU CAN. Thieves: [singing] Scheming up a scam, out on a limb. It's time to get rid of these cats all the way to Timbuktu once and for all. Okay. He sneaked upbehind me and tailgated me. She plays Chopin's third movement, in B minor. A family walks in to a talent agency. Now [Silent clips of "Aladdin 3" are shown, starting with Aladdin riding Magic Carpet, and Genie flying next to him as they enter Agrabah] Walt Disney Pictures invites you to a celebration. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offscreen]Edgar! Ow! Prev Napoleon: No, no. Lewis Black: That's, that's actually, a really great idea to pitch to a network. "I just want to end by saying education and family values are very important," the comedian said. Napoleon: Wait a minute, that's funny. Have you seen Gallagher? Duchess: No poetry to cover the situation,Monsieur O'Malley? It slides out of the stable as a truck pulls up]. [offscreen] Lafayette,what in tarnation you trying to do!? What made them think that this this was entertaining? Georges Hautecourt: Let go of my cane, man! O'Malley:Well, if you're applyingfor the job, well--. Mark Elliott: The "Toy Story: Animated Storybook" and "Toy Story: The Video Game", from Disney Interactive! They're back! O'Malley: [Chuckles]Now that's quite a family. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Now, tut-tut, Edgar. You know, your country chateau? We're just a pairof sentimental old fools. [ Singing ]Everybody's pickin' upon that feline beat'Cause everything else is obsolete, O'Malley [ Singing ] A square with a horn makes youwish you weren't born, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]Every time he plays, O'Malley: [ Singing ] But with a squarein the actYou can setmusic back, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]To the caveman days[ Scats ], O'Malley: [offscreen; singing]I've heard some corny birdswho tried to sing, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]Still the cat's the only catwho knows how to swing, Billy Boss: [ With Russian Accent ]Who wants to dig a long-hairedgig and stufflike that, O'Malley and Scat Cat: [ Singing ]When everybody wants to be a catA square with a horn makes youwish you weren't bornEvery time he plays, O'Malley: [ Singing ] Oh, a-rinky tinky dinky, O'Malley and Scat Cat: [ Singing ]With a square in the actyou can set music backTo the caveman days, Marie: [ Singing ] Oh, a-rinky dinky tinky, Trio: [ Singing ]Yes, everybody wants to be a catEverybody wants to be a catBecause a cat's the only cat, who knows where it's atWhen playin' jazzhe always has a welcome mat'Cause everybodydigs a swingin' cat. Stupid cat! That'll be turning it on. That's 'causeI practice all the time. And I'm gonna shine my shoes with my vagina juices, put 'em back on, tap-tap-tap, do a split, and that's the act! [Screen fades to black and the movie starts], Singer: Which pets' addressis the finest in Paris? Roquefort: I've got to find him. WhyEdgar? My own penthouse pad. All right. Coming soon to video! [7] It was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name by Paul Provenza and Penn Jillette. [Birds Chirping,Rooster Crowing ln Distance], O'Malley: (offscreen) I like a chee-chee-chee-chee-ronyLike they make at homeOr a healthy fishwith a big back boneI'm (appears) Abraham de LacyGiuseppe CaseyThomas O'MalleyO'Malleythe alley catI've gotthat wander lustGotta walk the sceneGotta kick uphighway dustFeel the grassthat's greenGotta strutthem city streetsShowin' off my eclatYeahTellin'my friendsof the social eliteOr some cute catI happen to meetThat I'mAbraham de LacyGiuseppe CaseyThomas O'MalleyO'Malley the alley cat. Ah, Georges. Fisherman's luck. And just as he gave life to "Cinderella" and "Pinocchio". Duchess: Edgar did thisto us? South Park Archives is a FANDOM TV Community. I almost fell. Please,you must stop that. In that sense, its the ideal joke for a comedy documentary. Napoleon: And whoever it isis gonna get it and get it good. [Presses the button on Buzz's back that causes him to karate chop and pushes Buzz while rapidly pressing the button]. Hugo, Victor and Laverne: [singing] A guy like you! But right now it's time we concerned ourselveswith self-improvement. The family jumps. Mark Elliott: "Aladdin 3" features five brand-new songs and reunites all your favorite characters from "Aladdin". Where did these people find employment! Ooh. Duchess: Why, Mr. O'Malley,you could have lost your life. O'Malley: I'm all right,Duchess,honey. Aristocrats no longer exist, or at least theyre not called aristocrats. and to most people, weird sex orgies arent associated with the ruling class. Those cats have got to go! This-- Well, this mansion? Hugo: [Spits the straw and feathers out of its mouth] Man! Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. Roquefort:You're darn tootin'I'm on the level! More details are available in the progress report. And I come after the cats. While Madame and Georges are asleep. Send us a tip using our anonymous form. Something horrible's happening! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [voice]Yes, Georges. And this time, ha,you'll never come back. Why, there are a millionreasons why I should! Toulouse: Is there anything we can do tohelp you,Mr. O'Malley, huh? [Sniffling][Sloshing][Splat]Yeah! He's nothing but a cad. [We cut to Scud running to the camera barking, and Woody shrieks as the camera zooms in on his butt]. John Leader: He created a motion picture based on a story that held a special place in his heart. It's about that big Bob Saget: I believe that's Shandling's joke. Hey, now the squeakin'has stopped. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Duchess? Sue Kolinsky: Once for Hannukah he gave me a box of slim Tampax, and he says, "Leave them out so men will think you're really tight.". Brian Cummings: Plus singing and swinging with the frogs. It's from Carmen,isn't it? He then describes a Hieronymus Boschlike tableau of torture. with the starsas our guide. You don't know whether to sh*t or puke in this room. Darling, why, that--Why, that's ridiculous. Call the cops! Another cat slides a hook under the harness. Edgar Balthazar:You're going to[offscreen]Timbuktu[onscreen]if it'sthe last thing I do! You know Edgaris so fond of all of usand takesvery good care of us. Doug stanhope's variation of the aristocrats joke. [Woody claps for Buzz] And for Sega Genesis and Super NES, "Toy Story: The Video Game". Berlioz: Just a nickname I gave you, "Roque-fort"? I love 'em. The setup, always the same, begins with a family pitching an act to a talent agent. I do believeyou've been drinking. Abigail: And look at his crooked smile. This is not a joke, this would go on TV. Naturellement! Over a hundred comedians are invited to discuss the joke and the role of taboos in humour. And then my daughter comes on stage. [After the Walt Disney Pictures logo, we fade to a black background]. Splendid! He's got a very huge wiener. Edgar Balthazar:[offscreen]Now, my little pesky pets. [Reading]"Prime Country Goose a la Provencal. " Cassim: You don't stand a chance against the King of Thieves. We shall fly to Parison a magic carpet,side by side. Oh! Wendy Liebman: It's a family, the Cavanaugh's - Ann and William. Oh, no. The zygote goes through a process of becoming an. Look at that bridge! Edgar Balthazar: [Shoes Squeaking] If I were those mongrels, where would I find my stuff? Duchess: Now, Marie, let's leaveToulouse to his painting. Get those twoweb-footed life guards outta here, okay?! As I'm singing, "What'll I Have That I Don't Mario Cantone: Where'd that note go? Backtrack a little. 2023. Jillette and Provenza tell dirty jokes. Roquefort:[ Panting ] Mr.O'Malley, I've heard your name. The joke ends with the agent asking what the bizarre act is called, and the family replies the aristocrats. Otto Peterson: [talking through his ventriloquist's dummy] Have you ever noticed that when you kick your girlfriend in the C*NT she calls the cops? Big Man O'Malleyis back in his alley. Duchess: Oh, Thomas! Amelia: Uncle Waldo. (2x) Oh, Marie, are you all right? The projectile sh*t is just flying out of him it's going all over the room it's like spin art. Toulouse: I'll show him. Sam:[offscreen]Well, Mac, this must be the trunk, eh? Upward and onward! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Oh, come now, Georges. Duchess: Well, darlings, l--I just don't know. And it's gonna stop for passengersrighthere. Very poetic. [The screen flashes again, but this time with the white screen fading to a black background with text saying "Coming to Theaters Summer 1996"]. I havea cracker with me. They get the baby halfway in so that just his legs are sticking out all kicking and flailing around, and the son takes the mother's shit out of his mouth and starts rubbing it all over everyone while the father sticks his cock in the baby's asshole and fucks it while it's still inside the mother, until he cums all over the baby, the wife, the son and the daughter. Sniffles ] white wine. guards outta here, okay? 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